Retreat (rĭ-trēt')

definition: A period of group withdrawal for meditation, or study.

So I recently went on a retreat in Whistler, BC facilitated by the Callanish Society.
It was exactly what I was looking for. The facilitators carefully and compassionately created and held a space for expression, growth, sharing, and strengthening.

At Callanish, we vow not to prescribe a right or correct way to navigate through, or heal from the experience of cancer, but more provide an invitation to delve into the territory of the heart and soul, to uncover and recognize a wholeness that actually exists no matter how ill the body is, an integrity that has always, and will always, exist regardless of physical illness or health, in spite of whether we live or die. - Janie Brown

Myself and 7 beautiful women from around the country dove deep into sorrow, loss, and death. It was truly amazing to share with others riding the razor's edge. I'd recommend this type of healing and exploration to anyone. Unfortunately though you have to be part of the "cancer club" first; which I don't recommend at all. This was the 54th retreat that the Callanish Society has created, and just like the participants they continue to grow, learn and build upon the collective experience - carrying our stories along the way.

This type of experience and healing could and ought to be a part of a more wholistic health care system in the future. These retreats are heavily subsidized by kind contributions from caring people. The Callanish Society is a registered charity.
Please consider donating so that others in need can have access to this.

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To those on my (HEALING TEAM) I also recommend checking out some of the Callanish Newsletters to get a better idea of what they are all about that I might not be able to convey with my own words. This experience really resonated with me and I think every community can build a similar capacity to help their own when in need. Perhaps we can discuss this at the upcoming Soul Therapy Celebration on the 19th of December.

Seasons change, Nothing stays the same.

Well, the delay in my writing means I was busy all summer having fun and staying healthy! Flying my paraglider with my fellow winged' monkeys and mountain biking were the main activities of choice. I threw in a few nights of dancing to celebrate my body and the amazing things it can do.

Now comes the season of retreat and dormancy. Withdrawing energy into the roots in cyclic knowledge that it will once again be released when the timing is right. I am looking forward to some deeper introspection and planning, now that the pace of things is slowing down. Probably some more frequent postings here too.

As far as medical details go, here is the update. Sutent is still holding the disease steady and we are now looking in the direction of another targeted therapy as the next course of action. Namely Iressa. It's another targeted molecule that blocks a signaling pathway preventing the proliferation of the cancer cells. Again, not a cure, but will give me more quality time. This treatment involves starting with a genetic test to see if I have what is called an EGFR mutation. This will let us know the relative efficacy of the drug. Naturally, it comes with a list of side effects, but if my body handles it like I did with Sutent it shouldn't get in the way of living.

On the complementary health side of things I am continuing to incorporate other strengthening modalities including, acupuncture, yoga, qigong, dancing, and of course nutrition as my main medicine. Food still remains the one thing that I can get instant feedback from. My garden is still pumping out richly coloured kale and chard that keeps a smile on my face.

Well, that's probably enough of an update for now. Thanks for checking in and thank you to all my (Healing Team) members - past, present and future. Let's keep engaging in the NOW while empathizing into a sustainable beyond.

m

Best Before Date and Birthdate Collide

Well it's been six months since I was told I may only have six months to live without any treatment, and it's also my birthday. Feeling pretty good today. I think I'll be out climbing later and hopefully some dancing this weekend too :)

As far as an update goes, yesterday's results indicate yet another tie game between myself and the unwanted visiting team. The CT scan shows some shrinkage in a few of the nodules in my chest and there is a new one in my right femur. Hopefully it will be a while or never that they have to attach wheels to me. I am also taking an IV infusion of Zoledronic Acid now which builds up bones, so hopefully no breaks. This drug gave me interesting fevers for a few nights and was overall tolerable. One possible side effect of this drug however is that my jaw might fall off, which I imagine could be difficult for eating. I'll have to keep an eye on that.
My mental state and capacity has come a long way from six months ago. It's really amazing how the mind can form new connections and perspectives. You just have to be patient and give it time. Don't get me wrong though. Still some major funk to work through, and I'm just the person to do it.

Once again, thanks for checking in. Keep the good vibes coming.

Visualizing My Cancer

Here are three videos I made earlier on using some freeware medical imaging software and the data I grabbed from the techs at the lab from my file. I have been using them to gain a better visual understanding of my disease as well as target some meditation practice to wake my body up to the cancer party going on inside me. I hope you find them interesting too.

All the glowy bits around my poor little heart and lungs are the culprits as well as some in the spine and ribs. Note that the glowing ball in my crotch is just my bladder full of radioactive juice and not a tumour.

It's really strange not knowing exactly what's going on inside your own body. Naturally I find myself hyper-aware of every sensation I feel these days which is both amazing, in feeling ever-so alive, but also like riding a knife's edge between this world and the next?

Latest Update - Stable

We met with my oncologist at the BC Cancer Agency yesterday for my routine tests and consultation after my 3rd 6 week cycle of Sutent (I'll post a detailed description of this drug soon).  The status of my cancer remains stable.  No new metastasis or measurable growth.  The Sutent, as well as other therapies that I am doing seem to be working to hold it back.  Naturally, I would prefer to see regression of the disease, but this is a pretty good result in the cancer world. Lots of healing still to do.  I am not in any great pain at the moment, just the odd freakish pinch or nerve sensation in my chest or arm from time to time.  I hope these will pass soon as I get a few days into my 4th cycle of Sutent.  I have managed to get some mountain biking in recently and didn't have to get off at all to push up some steep climbs.  Recovery is slower for sure, but still manageable.

I am also in the process of trying to decide what to do about income/work.  My short term leave will be ending soon and I would like to try and go back to the Park Ranger work that I love in some form, if possible.  The parks that I patrol and maintain are melting out fast and I am anxious to get back to a lifetime's list of important projects.  

Welcome (Healing Team) and visitors.

Ok, so here we go.  The best place for you to start and get the basics would be to click on the Introduction page in the menu to the left.  It will give you the details on my initial diagnosis, story and the purpose of this blog.  This main section will give you the latest updates on my condition as well as my thoughts on this, that and everything.  You can also subscribe to the blog (via an RSS link below) so that you will get notifications when I make a new post.  You can also "follow" this blog using the link bottom right with a google, twitter, yahoo account. Otherwise, just pop in when you feel like it.  Thank you for checking in. I appreciate your care and interest.

Sincerely,
Martin